I must confess, for most of you, I’ve been keeping a secret….and now I’m ready to reveal the newest member of our family: Erin Rachel Lee!
Erin was born via c-section on April 13th, 2011 at 12:50pm. She was 5 pounds, 14 ounces at birth and 19 inches long. We love every minute we spend with her and are so happy to finally have a child we can take home with us.
One thing everyone has been asking me lately is if I am nursing Erin. I’m elated to say, “not anymore!” In the beginning, I thought the two of us had hit it off quite well in this arena, but we quickly found out that we didn’t and it was a long two week battle for us. I started to have some pretty serious PPD because of our nursing experience and was on the fence about quitting a week after Erin was born. Each time Erin would nurse of over an hour and still not be satiated was a huge upset for me. I began to have feelings of resentment towards Erin, even though I knew none of it was her fault. Those feelings made me feel even worse about myself because after losing Rachel, I never in a million years expected to every have an ounce of resentment towards my future children. And here I was having that feeling! I saw a lactation consultant as a last resort. She was highly recommended by a personal friend and also advertised in our pediatrician’s office. I left that appointment still feeling frustrated and told Ping I wasn’t sure if it was worth the money. I went home and began the next nursing session with Erin. I tried all the techniques I learned from the consultant. Erin nursed for over an hour and half and was still hungry! I was at my breaking point. Ping would have to help me take breaks to compose myself, calm down and then feel okay to try again. 90 minutes into it, I handed Erin off to Ping and said, I’m done. I can’t keep feeling this way about our daughter. I’ve been so happy about my decision! I have been able to enjoy Erin so much more, I’m sleeping better and am happier being a mom too. Yes, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, or keep practicing the techniques I learned from the lactation consultant, but in the moment during that last nursing session, I knew this was not for us. My only concern is that Erin is healthy and thriving, and she wasn’t when we were nursing. We both weren’t happy and satisfied.
Erin is starting to open her eyes up more and look around. Unfortunately, she likes to do this at 2:30am. Not okay for us. I want to go back to sleep! If you have any tips out there to train this child to know night from day and when it is appropriate to be awake and asleep, please, let us know! For now, say hello to Erin!